I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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