Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
