I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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