hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
