just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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