3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
