Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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