So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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