Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
