@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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