i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
