I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
