My nipple is on Facebook.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
