i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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