I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
