I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
