I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
