what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
