Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
