shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You pole danced in your parka.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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