When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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