I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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