just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
