she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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