Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
