even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
