I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
