You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
