if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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