Swine flu. Run for my life!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
