jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
