On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
