So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
