I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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