I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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