so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
