i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what day is it and did you see me today?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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