She said her name was "party"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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