billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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