I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
