Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
