if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
