There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
