I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
