Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
