I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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