Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
