It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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