He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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