He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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