You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
